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Tonight our friend Shane filled in for D.D. because she had to stay at work late. His man card was revoked after he posted that on Facebook. I guess we’ll have to call him next time we need something heavy lifted so he can try to earn it back. He almost backed out on us when he realized the show was 2 hours long, but he made it through.
Ben had a chat with his sister at the beginning of the show who kinda looks like a Kardashian (the one who used to be fat).
Emily got the first date tonight. She looks like Kendra from girls next door and she actually seems pretty nice.
This guy really isn’t that great looking to have all these girls fighting over him… button up your shirt, buddy! We also think he may need a nose job. We’re taking back the cuteness points we gave him last week for being well dressed and reminiscent of my childhood (because he looked like the kid from Boy Meets World).
There was a lot of talk of “leap lists“. I had no clue what that meant until tonight. Apparently rather than a “things to do before you die list” it’s more of a “things to do before doing something big like marriage or having a child list”.
The group date was skiing…in San Francisco. We don’t understand why the girls had to take off their clothing to ski??? These bitches wouldn’t make it a day in Maine in the winter. This may have been the only part of the show that Shane actually enjoyed. Let’s drop these girls off in like Millinocket or somewhere in February with these outfits and see who lives the longest… That would be some good T.V.
Britney is kinda ugly (butterface), but she seems nice. She got picked for a date, but she said she was confused and not as excited as the other girls for her one on one date. Maybe because you are half way normal Britney! Or maybe you have an ounce of self respect and it feels odd to you to compete for some guy who’s making out with all these other women all the time… Of course this also means you’re probably not reality show material. Britney realized how degrading and disgusting that competing for one man with 25 other women on national T.V. was and decided to go home…Or so we thought, until she said that this was “the hardest decision of her life” Really???? Really, Britney? THIS is the hardest decision of your life?
Lindsey, who got the first impression rose, finally had a one on one date tonight. She said she “didn’t normally kiss boys on the first date” and Ben said the kiss “was unexpected” Wow…note to self ladies = when we start working on our own reality show we’re going to have to start doing a lot more lying…add that to the list with orange tans and crying. She claimed that her year and a half relationship ended with a text that said “welcome to Dumpsville - population you! Either A. That didn’t happen or B. Lindsey did something really terrible to this guy and deserved that. It didn’t just happen out of the blue. The bachelor said he was really attracted to her. Yeah, he says that about ALL of them! He is yet to say anything negative about ANY of them.
I wish Shane and Sabrina would shut up about real relationships while I’m trying to blog about the fake ones on T.V. It’s fine Gracie (the dog) and I are taking care of this…
Sabrina and I talked about the evolution of my nickname. She used to call me “J.W.” (my initials) but somewhere along the line I became not worthy of 3 syllables and it was shortened to “j-dub” (sigh)… Just in case you were wondering when you hear her call me that on the radio.
Ben- “I’m starting to have relationships with these women” then the red head bragged about how he told her she was the best kisser. Really? “I’m making out with everyone, but don’t worry, sweetheart you’re the best.” This is why none of the “winners” of these shows are actually still legally married. In All the seasons of these shows there are only 2 couples who are still actually still legally married.
They brought back a girl from “Brad’s season”. She’s a Funeral Director. Her name was Shawntell. I guess they met at some Bachelor function? Everyone is a little confused how they know each other and why she‘s on the show. The other girl’s trash talked her for like 15 minutes which was terribly boring… How did I get roped into watching this? Do you people realize that the Bruins are on right now?
Shane talked to the T.V. at one point so we know he’s really getting into this. What we don’t know however is why when any of us talk to the Bachelor WHY we refer to him as “buddy”. His name is Ben. It’s one syllable and yet I think it’s because we can’t take him seriously enough to call him by a normal name.
Sabrina used her Napoleon Dynamite voice to tell us her “tatts hurt real bad” (she got them touched up today). We told her to ask the school nurse for some Neosporin and moved on. I hate this show and yet I am the only one who can focus on this nonsense tonight…
Courtney made a fool of herself at the rose ceremony. Crying and calling Shawntell “whats her butt” and yet she moves on to the next episode…
Ben tried to make a speech before giving out the last rose and one of these crazy bitches pretended to pass out. This is quality reality show material! Ladies, let’s take notes here! Neither the new girl nor the passing out girl got a rose tonight. Ben actually didn’t give anyone the last rose so there is actually 2 less women moving on to next week than normal because one left on her own and Ben gave out one less rose than usual.
We’d like to tell you what to look forward to next week, but sadly we lost our next week’s recap of the show because my recording of Pawn Stars started. For the record Pawn Stars is a quality reality show where nobody ever cries or gets an orange spray tan! They had a guitar signed by Crosby, Stills and Nash and they are hiring a new employee this week! Come on!!!
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